Tag: journaling

  • Return of the Prodigal: a meditation

    Return of the Prodigal: a meditation

    A meditation on Luke 15:24.
    “For this my son was dead,  and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.”

    Sounds & voices:

    harmonies from my childhood ring out from the bathroom,
    French songs my father used to play from the radio.
    (I sing along with my broken French in my head)

    The image as he gets ready for work, I am swept away into nostalgia,
    a sweetness I had been craving
    my last six months in Nashville

    I am home.

    I dream of my father as a young man,
    handsome and determined, very large glasses on a skinny frame
    making his way as a young African in newly independent Senegal

    or roaming the rues of Paris in search of a bon café,
    a noir in a sea of pale blanc.
    Perhaps a blonde girlfriend by his side
    as they bravely dare to redefine cultural taboos
    and overcome the racial socio-political walls between them.

    Just as soon, the Accura dealer is over the speaker
    reminding me that his new cars will bring me joy
    since my old Ford has a dented fender
    and expired plates.

    I am American again. The image is clear;
    my father, too, is American again,
    his citizenship codified some years ago
    by an oath and deep blue passport in hand.

    What was lost in gaining this new identity?
    I wonder as a few salty tears gently sliding down my cheeks surprise me
    and I am aware of the small lump
    in my throat.

    Happiness or sadness?

    Sometimes for me, they are the same.
    I am grateful to be home again,
    to find what I had been looking for.

    I am getting my life force back in to me slowly,
    everyday I am here, a little more.
    It was God’s grace that brought me home
    so that we all
    may be free to live again.

    Amen.

  • ishvara pranidhana x the apostle paul

    ishvara pranidhana x the apostle paul

    I pen this from the shores of a free beach (with free parking!) and will be walking to work at the free public library nearby in about 15 minutes. Before composing this message, I waded in the water for about 10 minutes, digging my toes into the sand at the ocean floor. Contemplating my smallness at the edge of the world, I looked out from where I was standing into the vast ocean before me.

    Then, I came here to my blanket which is always in my trunk and layed in savasana to meditate in the pure sunlight before composing this message. This is the blessing of my hometown. Here, I am free. All of this natural glory is here for free. I saw my father this morning, encouraged him and recieved his encouragement. I listened to my buddy Joel on the ride to work and filled up my gas tank full. These are the blessings of coming home.

    Today, I have enough of my own money to fill my own gas tank in a paid-for car that runs well, a blessing from the Most High that my father reminded me as I emptied out a good portion of my savings. He explained to me how my disciplined deposit of every amount, some small and some pretty large, into my portfolio over the years has allowed me to have more than enough for my rainy day. But, he also pointed out that my investment company was compounding my interest according to the growth of the market the whole time as well. So, when I went bitterly to withdraw what I thought to be most of my savings, the amount I had available was twice or three-times fold my original deposit. The blessings of God are like exactly this.

    Cultivating our steadfast faith at any amount, a mustard seed or Redwood Forest National Park, will prove to bring double the blessings we were hoping for in our limited human imgination. Today, I have new job offers in my new career field. Just as I have given my first fruits to God’s service, I have been blessed with new opportunites to make more money and add back to my savings again. Further, I know now, that the blessings are also a test of faith so it is important for me not foraske a single one of them. I must prepare steadfastly for each because I know my God will bless me many times over for my hardwork if I hold His blessings and His children as sacred.

    Look, each of God’s blessings and each of God’s children is already sacred, whether I have the spiritual maturity to recognize them or not. So, I am growing carefully by learning purposefully to recognize his voice in all people and situations. Though ineviatble challenges and great successes, we each must keep in mind that all is preparation for the bigger things ahead. This is growth. And slowly, we mature by the Lord’s grace and walk into our destinies without a misstep for we known where we have been and the cost to reach the top. This month, I challenge you to beging to uncover the lifestyle God has purposed for you and practice praising God in both good times it brings. Then I challenge you to bring that joy into the bad times it will inevitably bring.

    The homie Paul told me in his second letter to the Corinthians 4:16 that we do not lose heart in any trying time because even though our outward Self is perishing, the inward Self is being renewed day-by-day. See, I have learned that the things that grow me are the same things that I am most adverse to. The path to liberation is through the conquering of our deepest fears and the pressing on in spite of oppression. We gain our strength and good demeanor in moments of goodness not to sit idly and relish in them with vanity or to escape our life’s difficulties, but to be able fight the limitations of our minds and hearts.

    The source of true and lasting happiness is to have the ability to overcome every barrier that arises and changes. This is the foundation of freedom. Paul continues in 2 Corinthians 4:17 (NKJV) explaining that our light afflictions, which are but for a moment (because all things will always change), are actually working for us for a far more exceeding glory. This glory is eternal, spiritual. “We do not look at the things which are seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

    Sri Swami Satchidananda teaches us how to put this faith into practice in his commentary on Yoga sutra 2.1: tapaḥsvādhyāyeśvarapraṇidhānāni kriyāyogaḥ. He says, “Dedicate the fruits of your actions to God or to humanity, which is God in manifestation. Dedicate everything–your study, your japa, your practices to God. When you offer such things, God accepts them but then gives them back many times magnified. You never lose what you have given to God.”[1]

    Therefore, may this message be dedicated to God and his manifestation in my human family for the blessing of all sentient beings past, present and future. As I head off to work, I pray this message cultivates in you further liberation and tranquilty of mind. Don’t you dare give up. Stay in faith. Your blessings are coming.

    Namasate and Blessings Fam,

    -S.

    Notes:
    [1] Satchidananda, Swami. (1975). The Yoga sutras of Patanjali : the book of the spiritual man : an interpretation. London :Watkins

  • picking ourselves back up

    picking ourselves back up

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    My former Instagram page (@ana.yanae) had been a serious source of motivation for me when I was running it from 2014 to 2015, but I’ve since archived it. (See parts of it here: anayane.tumblr.com)

    Now, two years later, I am beginning my Instagram page (@Crishuana_) again to promote share what I’ve learned about connecting with God, cultivating mindfulness for folks of african-decent and the many (many, many) applications of yoga practice, so I started looking back at what I’d posted before. It wasn’t long before I started doubting whether or not I could even produce again. But, coming across this “Sunday #affirmation” post, I was immediately re-inspired. So, that where my message for today begins: we can and should be our own inspiration.

    The Buddha instructs us to be lamps unto ourselves. He says, “Rely on yourselves, and do not rely on external help. Hold fast to the truth as a lamp. Seek salvation alone in the truth. Look not for assistance to any one besides yourselves.” (The Buddha’s Farewell)

    How many of us have kept a journal or actively make a practice of keeping notes to ourselves? In my own experience, I have been journaling regularly since 2014. It had been a practice that saved me out of the depression and loneliness that came with moving to a new city and having my former partner start medical school. Writing and encouraging myself gave me strength and confidence to change my thinking and then my circumstances.

    Now, when I look at my journals from three years ago, I see the triumphs that I’ve overcome and recognize the patterns I have. Looking back reminds me that I have made it! And, with a little hard work, I will make it again. Each of us can think about the times in our life that by the grace of God, we made it over the mountains and obstacles in our lives. When we remember the blessings we’ve been to others and the great mindsets we’ve cultivated in ourselves, we can be encouraged to continue that way. Have pride in yourself and your journey! You are a triumph! Everyday you are doing your best and winning, big or small!

    Finally, if this week or this year, you were looking for some inspiration to start journaling or to pick up the healthy habit again, I am here to offer one suggestion. Take a page from chapter four Oprah’s What I Know For Sure: and keep a Daily Gratitude list. It’s easy to note the top 5 things you are grateful for every day.

    Skeptical? Let me show you how easy it can be.
    Here are mine for today: Wednesday 7/19 at 18:19-

    1. An invite to interview for a new position helping my community
    2. A running car with gas and updated insurance
    3. An encouraging call from a good spiritual friend
    4. Sunshine during the rain storm
    5. Cold water in my Thermos to keep me cool…

    May we each keep seeking God’s manifestation in ourselves such that we can be renewed without reliance on any temporary and external support. “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Book of Romans 12:2, NIV) Peace to you on your journey!

    Namaste & Blessings Fam,

    -S.